The Hacker’s Rap

And now for something completely different…

<click> <click> <click> <click>
So your Mac’s gone splat?
Well how ’bout that?
Now baby, don’t you panic.
By the light of my screen
You’ll be in a different scene
When I’ve made ME your data mechanic.

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You think you got secrets?
You ain’t met me yet.
I’m on a roll,
you’ve lost control
An’ there ain’t no RESET.
Ethics ain’t my style.
Nasty makes me smile:
You’re in a jam
’cause I’ve got a plan
For your personal keyset.
Might as well resign, dear,
Your system’s mine, that’s clear,
Yeah, my attack
does not hold back
It’ll feel like a cardiac
hack,
Jack,
‘Cause I’m a HACKER!
Ain’t no mush-head slacker.
I can mess your metal mind an’ that’s a fact, son!
Check this action:
If I feel a dejection
Because of a rejection,
I can make a selection
From my collection,
Set up a connection
And you’ll get a digital infection
That defies detection
Or correction.
Virus inspection
Ain’t no protection
And your objection
Confirms my direction
And amplifies my —
satisfection.

‘Cause I’m a HACKER!
I got tons of tricks in my pack here.
Ain’t no food in the freezer?
No problem, man – I can download pizza.
Can’t touch this, eithah
cause it’s a virtual pizza!

You run Windows?
You’ll hear the wind blow.
You run iOS?
Say “Bye-bye,” oh yes.
You run Chrome?
Won’t be no-one home.
You run Android?
I’ll hit you like an asteroid.
You run Linux?
You’ll feel the force of my
mimic gimmicks.
Go on, run to a mainframe —
You’ll still be in my pain game.
You feel safe in the cloud somewhere?
You’re right in front of my easy chair.

‘Cause I’m a HACKER!
I POP <click> I FIZZ
when I find what ROOT’s password is.
I SMILE <click> I GRIN <click>
I sack the system that lets me in.
Things SPIN <click> Things SPARK <click>
And suddenly your screen goes dark —
A sadder but wiser LAN you’ll be
‘Cause I am
TROUBLE
with a capital T
and that rhymes with C
and that stands for
<click> <click> <click> <click>
CLICK